First of all, please forgive my  emotional state. These last few days have been absolutely terrible. I just want to dig a hole in the ground and sleep for 100 years just so I won't have all this thoughts and emotions bombarding my head.

My boyfriend of  almost 8 years and fiance of one just dumped me. Didn't even have the decency to look me in the face when he broke my heart. Just called me at work during his lunch break saying he can't do it anymore. I had no warning at all. Needless to say I'm pissed, crushed and confused. I haven't eaten in days and my whole body aches. All I do is cry my eyes out til there are no tears left fall, into an exhausted sleep, then repeat the process all over again. I really and truly thought he was the one for me and am devastated to find out I've been deluding myself for so long. I gave him so much of myself and opened up to him in ways I've never done with another person, not even my family. I feel like he betrayed me in the cruelest way possible. But the worst part is is that I still love him and it's tearing my heart in two just knowing that I still have feeling for someone who just ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped it til nothing was left but dust. I haven't felt this helpless and alone since the day I watched my house burn down in front of my very eyes. My life feels like a nightmare now and I just want to wake up and for it all to be over with.
It's so surreal to thing that just this time last week we were together and having a great time. I had no way to anticipate that everything I knew and cherished would take a 360 turn straight to hell. I'm dreading the fact that i'll eventually have to tell my family what happened. The pity filled looks they'll give me..the 'you can do better than him' booster talks... all the while while they silently cheering that they were right. That I was a fool to believe anyone other than them could ever care about me.  It's all very depressing.
I went to his house today to pick up my stuff. He was so nonchalant about everything, like what we had didn't even matter.....like I didn't matter. While I was gathering my things I just wanted to scream out why. Why are you doing this? Don't you even care?? Did you ever love me??? But the pain was so deep I could barely say anything. I got out of there as fast as I could, left his keys and the ring he gave me on the table and went home. I'm such a coward. The worst feeling in the world is to fully and freely give of yourself to another person only to have them say your love wasn't good enough. It makes you question your worth as a human.

Sorry about posting all that. I know I don't usually put personal stuff on here but right now there's no one I can talk to about this and I really need to vent. If anyone else has gone through a bad breakup what things did you do to make yourself feel better? I think I'm doing ok one minute then I might see, smell or hear something that reminds me of our time together and the pain comes back ten fold.